Two Guys Having Chai: April 2011

Saturday, April 30, 2011

To sleep... perchance to scream

_ Howsaboy?
_ Not well... not well at all. I have a recurring dream: I am lost in a crowd - a chaotic crowd of bustling people, all with a definite destination. I have no destination; I am lost.
I am moving, usually against the grain of the crowd; I am looking everywhere. I am looking for someone. Who? I don't know. Amidst this desperation, there lies one certainty and it is this: Upon finding the person that I am looking for, all of my anguish and despair will release. This I know, yet I don't know who I am looking for.
_ I would...
_ Not so fast. The dream has now shown itself to be a leakage, as it were, from my waking state, whereas previously I had felt the dream to be somewhat of an intrusion upon my waking state. I now know that the dream is a 'self storage unit' for my life as lived. I am haunted; I am a haunted ghost; and the dream is an overflow from my waking state, which is a nightmare.
_ ... get some jungle noise going before you go 'toes up'.
_ Jungle noise?
_ Yeah. Tapes of ducks chirping, orangatans singing, gorillas farting...background noise. It'll put you right out.
_ I'm too sensitive for that kind of stuff.
_ Then go out and get the biggest Chinese gong that you can find and lay into it with a giant Q-tip every time you dream. You'll be fast asleep an hour later.
_ As I said, and speaking with you reaffirms it: Waking is a nightmare.

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   ... Late April is to early September as gin is to vodka: The same, only different

   ... How do you analyze the dreams of someone who is awake? The recounting of the dream while one is awake is being awake; it has fuck all to do with dreaming. If it weren't you would never escape the experience of what's past... Oooops, my bad; we don't.

photo credit

Friday, April 29, 2011

Mind-splat

_ Somedays there's just nothing to say.
_ I suppose I'll become aware of such a day when silence emanates from your otherwise crowded house.
_ My mind shit the bed last night.
_ Really?
_ Yeah. What a fucking mess.
_ Sounds icky. Anyway, I think we broke winter's back.
_ Huh?
_ Spring... Ever hear of it? Flowers and gentle breezes? No?
_ I would say you're a good listener but I can't hear myself think - part of the collateral damage from last night's meltdown.
_ What you need is a double espresso and a dark chocolate wallop. It's a homeopathic remedy designed to get one out of the unshine and into the sunshine.
_ Order the remedy. I'll be sitting outside on the sidewalk
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   ... Nothing is free, yet the word remains in the dictionary. Someone, somewhere has made a mistake.
   " Since our problems have been our own creation,
   They also can be overcome,
   When we use the power provided free to everyone:
   This is love."
   'This is Love' by George Harrison and Jeff Lynne
   ... Things that rhyme with orange often go 'bump' in the night. Someone once told me that if you have a big, steaming mug of chai before you have sex, you're twice as likely to dream that night.
   Cherubim, seraphim... things that rhyme with orange.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Hobbies

_ Do you‘ve any hobbies?

_ Me?

_ Yeah you.

_ I like to not talk to strangers.

_ That’s a good one. I like to tinker with Einstein’s mathematical formulas regarding the universe.

_ Einstein? He of the second best hairdo ever in the history of humankind?

_ Second? Who’s first?

_ Everyone else tied for first.

_ I’ve re-worked his theory of relativity in order to bring it into the realm most readily accessible to the person in the street.

_ I’m thinking thoughts of chai...

_ According to my calculations, which are based on E=mc2, our physical weight is nothing compared to the weight of our presence in coming face to face with our brethren.

_ So the ‘down‘ as in ‘You’re bringing me down’, is a lot closer to China than previously thought.

_ Our presence is nearly six thousand times the weight, as far as being influential goes, as is our physical load upon the surface of the Earth.

_ I’m going to re-commit myself to not talking to strangers.

_ No worries. I’ll order your chai from this here stranger working the steam machine.

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... Einstein had a social conscience and a sense of humor that dwarfed our ability to understand his scientific inquiries. He is on record as saying the following:

“ I’m not sure what weapons World War III will be fought with, but I know World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”

“ There are two things that are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

“ Everything that the human race has done and thought is concerned with assuagement of pain. One has to keep this in mind if one wishes to understand spiritual movements and their development.”

... Love, though it be ‘a many-splendored thing’, is, all the same, just a ‘thing’. Don’t run from it; don’t let it blind you. We live in a world of ‘things’; we, ourselves, are a ‘thing’. Open to it and embrace that which is, freeing things from their ‘thingness’.

photo from

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Two Guys Having Chai...What!?

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2011

Two Guys Having Chai...What!?

_ What do you say, pilgrim? Howsaboy?...Who would have ever thought a couple of guys like us would be sitting here, drumming our fingers, waiting for some chai?

_ Huh?...You talking to me?... Chai?... What the hell is chai?

_ Have you never?

_ Have I never what?

_ Had chai?

_ I don’t even know what it is. How am I supposed to know if I have ever had it? I’ve had the flu; I know what that is. How the hell am I supposed to know what chai is?

_ It’s not quite tea. It more resembles loose shrubbery and spices which you may occasion upon in the spice drawer of some old crone. There are some twigs and other forms of matter in it, which all contribute to its mysterious nature. Somewhere along the way, some old hand-wringer ran out of proper tea and boiled whatever was available - some versions have cat dander in them. You boil it up and throw in some milk and honey and there you go, you have chai.

_ Chai?

_ Try it, you’ll like it.

_ Chai?... if you insist.

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...How was I to know who this person was? Do fish go up to each other and start talking just because they are in the same ocean?

... He seemed an odd one. Not knowing what chai was, and being surprised
that I would talk to him. I don't think fish ignore each other.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Two Guys Having Chai

TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2011

Two Guys Having Chai

They were talking in a way that was strange. Two guys having coffee in a cafe. Chai? It was chai? Two guys having chai? I started to listen in on them. I would go home and write down what I had heard. Who knew? Who knew that such conversations were possible from a couple of guys I had figured were talking about sports, or some such fluff. I'm going to let you in on their cogitations and their conversations. I've finished the book on them. I have the book available but first I'm going to let a little of it out. I go to this cafe all the time. I had always noticed them but didn't think too much about it. Really strange; they didn't even know each other's name. Perhaps you have an issue, or a question that Two Guys Having Chai can bandy about. Two Guys Having Chai By Robert E. Sweeney Copyright 2010.