Mind Sweat

_ Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to the thought that this is all a lie?

_ Because you've adequately rested - you're not tired anymore... A lie? What makes a lie?

_  Truth... Truth, with the patience of death, outs a lie; and lies prove the truth by the manner in which they are put forth. Lies participate and define corruptibility, change, transience and exclusivity. We hold that which is corruptible, subject to change, transient and exclusive as being the exact opposite - incorruptible, stable, permanent and universal. Measuring one lie against another in an effort to pronounce the truth. My life is a lie. It exists nowhere but in the waterfall of things thunk. It is an ever-changing ordering of random experience attributed to a static self, which can only exist in the repetitive world of thought. My life is a lie.

_ Have you tried drinking heavily?

_ The millstone of history, with its promise of a watery grave, is an under-appreciated accessory in the world of high fashion, causing both sides of the mirror to lie. I suffer from separation anxiety; I am fragmented; I am a lie.

_ Warm milk laced with about nine ounces of hootch... That'll usher you into the realm of the unverifiable - dreamless sleep.

_ Evidence to the contrary - I'm awake - proves the veracity of the opposite - dreamless sleep. I had a cousin who died in his sleep... I wonder if he knows he's dead; and if his sleep was dreamless when he succumbed to the enchantment of the forty-first wink is he aware of ever having lived?

_ Do what the people up North do.

_ What's that?

_ They sleep when they're tired. They don't concern themselves with lies or truth, just living - it's too cold to do anything but stay warm.

_ One lie supporting another, mimicking the disinterested, unseen parent. We are never separate from the truth. Lies change; truth does not. It was more than just waking up and perusing thoughts. It was waking up to the undeniable sense that this is all a lie; and then to careen through things now gone in an effort to disprove it: To deny the undeniable; to live ignorantly; to sleep...

_ Howsaboy?

_ They want to keep me alive for a certain period of time in order to bolster the false assumption that life begins and ends. The longer one delays the inevitable, the better. Cold comfort is better than none; and then that goes.

_ Cold comfort is better than none?

_ Yes. A hot shower is a cold comfort - you eventually have to step out into the cold, clammy embrace of 'what now?' We've been lied to our whole lives and we thus recognize lies as being the truth. Living in such a manner is dependent on the support garnered from the continual lies of others. We need look no further than our innate ability to recognize suffering in order to realize our plight - we, ourselves, are suffering... and such realization, if we don't deny it, intuits the way out of this mess. The life of the Buddha; the life of Yahshua... I doubt we could stand in front of these men and say, 'You're wrong'. I dare say we would collapse in a heap in front of them. As it is we crumble in front of ourselves. Waking up in the middle of the night to the realization that this is all a lie makes it tough to go back to sleep.

_ Sweetness and light... it exudes from you like carcinogens from a new shower curtain. You outgas a carefree vapor. You're one of those people whom nothing bothers. I wish I could be more like you.

_ Go ahead. I'll wait... Let's have some fun, but let's not ignore the effort that goes into it. Lies require effort, an effort so deeply entrenched in us as to appear effortless. Truth is effortless, but based on our assertion otherwise it appears an impossibility. I hope to wake up one day screaming at the top of my lungs and in a cold sweat. That will be my miracle morning. Until then I'll dream the sleep of the dreamless; to be forever embraced.

_ Well... I'm not sure how to say this so I'll just say it: Chai?

_ I thought you'd never ask.

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... How do you know you're in love the first time?

... Is it possible to out-think thought? One thorn removing another; both get discarded - the memory is whole.

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