Cool Water

_ The things you can do with a hot dog...

_ What about removing the ham from a ham samitch? Easy enough, right?

_ Right as rain, my very good friend. Thank you for your consideration in dismissing me.

_ Dismissed... nothing could compare to being dismissed from school... How I hated school; it's a wonder I've survived as long as I have in this strange, strange world.

_ You must be a sannyasin.

_ A one-man platoon of buffoons; each thought a new king. That-a-way, boys! They went... What's the diff, right? What's the diff which way anyone goes? It's all so effin erfect.

_ How do you spell 'Johnny'?

_ It depends on how I feel. And how I feel depends on a whole boatload of things. Did you know that how I feel just might depend on how you feel?

_ How, or what?

_ However; whatever; whomever; if ever... If ever I would leave you it wouldn't be in Springtime...

_ Bobby! Baby! Booby! Where have you been, kid?! Sausage crisp! May your piggly's be wiggly from now until forever. Howsaboy?

_ Bobby ain't here. He's riding with the top down; the leading edge of what is commonly known as a guillotine has a fresh coat of red. When did it become acceptable to talk about the weather?

_ Right after the first scream resolved into silence. This has yet to happen so if you talk about the weather you're either ahead of your time, or you have yet to receive the memo.

_ What memo?

_ You, too, must die.

_ Nice. I'm thinking of naming myself Earvin Erfect.

_ And a nickname?

_ Nick Name, private I.

_ How about Bakers Eddy?

_ Will I still have to die?

_ Yes.

_ Nick Name - Private I; investigating how we traded the sacred for the profane; and how we came to think thought that we got the better of the deal.

_ Interesting... for about half of a second - one. I know of one group of people who think that if they were to stick an ice-pick through their eardrums they wouldn't be bored anymore.

_ Well they had better hurry up because it's not like there's a display of ice-picks at Best Buy.

_ Interesting that you should mention Best Buy. That is where the ceremony is going to take place... They're going to do it in the ear-bud aisle.

_ Next to the cauliflowers?

_ Yes, the next universe over.

_ Very interesting. Is there a world order? Am I missing out on something?

_ Yes, it's random; and yes, you are. Check your shopping cart before you check out, and exit the store screaming.

_ Is this random world order reminiscent of re-wrapped rotten meat.

_ Rotten... having completed the process of rotting. Never, I say! What would we have to look forward to? Meat never stops rotting. Think showering; think soap; think deodorant; think perfume; think left-handed compliments; think reincarnation - a new flower, rotting.

_ There's people at the next table talking about the weather.

_ They're idiots; they don't have a command over the alphabet. Lost in a lost world, right at home.

_ I'm an idiot.

_ I know that.

_ How would you know?

_ Because I'm an idiot, too. Nice day, huh?

_ Beautiful... the second nicest day ever.

_ Which one was first?

_ All the others tied for first.

_ You're an idiot.

_ I know. Chai?

_ Here my stomach's thinking that my throat has been cut. Indubitably.

                                                                      *******

... I wonder what Yoko Ono is doing this very moment.

... Self-importance. It's like skin.

photocredit